Hit this button........flip that switch.....pull the lever.....let's get this blog machine rolling again!!! Months ago, I was just an amateur blogger. I had no corporate sponsors. I was not wise in the ways of the ancient Blog-Chi arts. After months of searching my soul and regaining my inner groove, I'm back. Like an earthworm metamorphisizing into a beautiful butterfly or an ugly duckling hooking up with a foxy swan or a truck transforming into Optimus Prime, I'm ready to get my blog on!!
Dear Friend,
I've seen you lately but I barely recognize you. You've just changed so much and I just don't know why. I loved you the way were. We all did. You were so much fun. I couldn't wait to see you again. Things weren't always perfect but at least I was smiling. You cared about your image. Your style was great. You were fair. Maybe I'm just being nostalgic about when I was younger but I just remember things differently, better.
Now I don't even know who you are. You're not fun. You're a shell of who you were, who I loved. I try to enjoy you but that just makes me realize how you've morphed. You think bigger is better but it's not. You stand for all the wrong things. You want things from all the wrong people. My joy has become frustration. I think you've already made up your mind. I still care but everyone else says it just a waste of time. They've given up. They remember your better days. I hope you can change your ways. It looks like all the evidence is against you though. I'm really close to giving up. And I'm afraid once I'm gone, I'll never come back. But you don't care. I don't think you care about anyone. You are no longer "Magical" or "Legendary". So NBA, how about you come back before it's too late.
So I usually don't sleep too well and I love to eat. No sleep + hunger=midnight snacks!! So here is the list of top midnight snacks. Insomniac fat kids listen up!!
5) Chocolate chip cookies with ice cold milk
4) BBQ chips
3) Cereal. Cocoa Pebbles are best at that time!!
2) Leftover Pizza
1) Cold fried chicken
What's your snack of choice?
While making a great movie is tough, making a great sequel seems to be almost impossible. Here is my list of the 5 greatest sequels. Only a couple of rules apply: must be the second movie in a series and must be a strong continuation from the first.
Honorable Mention: Lord of the Rings: Two Towers, Spider-Man 2, Batman Returns, Another 48 Hours, Shrek 2, Toy Story 2, Aliens, Evil Dead 2, Rocky 2, Bourne Supremacy, Die Hard 2, Ghostbusters 2. All of these are good but not great, not top 5.
5)X2: X-Men United
4)The Road Warrior
3)Terminator 2: Judgement Day
2)Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
1)The Godfather II
Agree? Disagree? I'll explain if you'd like
With the much anticipated return of "The Office" tonight, I decided to grace you with my opinion (which is also 100% correct) of the funniest things on TV.
5) Rock of Love 2- There is something wrong with a bunch of plastic, drunk, drama queens fighting over a washed-up rock star that wears a wig. Luckily, VH1 makes something so wrong...funny. It's like The Love Connection meets Wal-Mart. I love how every girl claims "I'm just here for Bret". I love how he just feels a connection with all those strippers with hearts of gold. I love how choosing which girls get passes is a life or death situation. It's trashy, predictable, over the top but 100% pure entertainment. It makes you laugh....hard...and lots. After watching an episode, you're life looks pretty good.
4) My Name is Earl- Easily, one of the most underrated shows on TV. Earl was a a petty crook when he wins the lottery then loses it when he gets hit by a car. While in the hospital and on morphine, he hears about the concept of karma while watching Late Night with Carson Daly (you'd have to be in severe trauma and heavily medicated to watch Carson Daly). Earl makes a list of all the bad things he's done and decides to do good deeds to atone for them. Earl is trailer trash but you can't help but root for the guy. You want him to do good, and to come out on top. In a way, there's a little bit of Earl in us. The cast is a bunch of trailer trash misfits that can't seem to get it together. Kinda reminds me of high school. Do something good and watch Earl. If you don't, it may come back to haunt you.
3) The Colbert Report- Congressional Scandals, Presidential Elections, Economic Turmoil, War, Famine. Watching the news sucks. Politics suck too. Luckily, Stephen Colbert thinks so too. I love how he harasses everyone. No one is safe. Democrat or Republic. Man or Woman. Black or White. You're informed and definitely entertained. You know he wins every debate. You love eating Ben and Jerry's Americone Dream while you watch. He feuds with Barry Manilow. You long for his "truthiness". Colbert in '08...or 2012...or '16.
2) Any news segment or show about the Democratic Candidate race- This reminds me of two special kids fighting for the last Twinkie. I love how Hilary uses her full array of emotions in every interview. I love how Obama believes he is Captain America, Martin Luther King, and Abe Lincoln rolled up into one glowing candidate. I love how they sling mud and talk trash one moment and sing each other's praises the next. It's like an updated version of the Odd Couple on crack. I can't wait for Hilary's next faux tear or misremembering about a sniper attack. Or for Obama to name-drop another celebrity. Bros and hoes, can't we just agree to disagree.
1) The Office- If you don't watch it, please do. It'll be well worth it. If you do, you know you love it. You know it's awkward. You know you laugh til it hurts. You know which character you are (even if you refuse to admit it in public). You know you can't wait to blog, text, twitter, myspace, call, or talk about every episode. You know you already can't wait for next week's episode. You know you've bought the DVD for each season and hosted marathons. You know Diversity Day, The Dundies, Office Olympics, Booze Cruise, Casino Night, Gay Witch Hunt, Benihana Christmas, Safety Training, and Fun Run. You know Michael, Jim, Pam, Dwight, Angela, Andy, Kevin, Phyllis, Stanley, Oscar, Creed, Ryan, Kelly, Meredith, Toby, Darryl, and Jan. You know you miss Karen and Roy. You know you've wanted to put office supplies in Jello. You know you want the theme song as a ring tone. You know you listen to Scrantonicity. You know you're gonna watch tonight. It's gonna make you laugh, it's gonna be painful, it's gonna be too short. That's what she said.
RIP-Arrested Development
5) Count Chocula- Come on, it's a vampire that loves chocolate. If John Carpenter and Paula Dean had a kid.
4) Lucky the Leprechaun- Quite possibly the worst Irish export since U2's Zooropa. A midget that has an affinity for rainbows, blue moons, clovers, stars, hearts, horseshoes. Um........
3) Trix Rabbit- Actually, Trix are for kids. I fed my rabbit Trix once, and then he went into a diabetic coma for 3 days. Let's stick to carrots and leafy greens, buddy.
2) Toucan Sam- This overly friendly bird looks like a cross between Chernobyl and Fantasia and Alfred Hitchcock.
1) Tony the Tiger- Tony, I'm sure captivity has made you soft but please lose the handkerchief. It's GGGGRRRREEEEAAATTT!!! NOT!!!
This is the official list of the greatest movies by an awesome comedian. Enjoy
5) Who's Harry Crumb?
4) Stripes
3) Splash
2) Uncle Buck
1) Trains, Planes & Automobiles
Agree? Disagree?
*Why didn't I choose Davidson to go all way?
*Why am I drinking an energy drink and eating nachos?
*Why am I excited about $3.21 a gallon for gas?
*Why am I going to El Paso, Texas for Chinese food?
*Why do I confuse Animal Husbandry and Beastiality?
So I guess I'll try to do a daily Top 5 List. It'll be random but possibly entertaining. If you want, read it. If not, I don't care cuz your mom still likes me.
Today's Top 5: Things I miss about Elementary School
5) Nap Time
4) Field Trips
3) The taste of glue
2) Being the Line Leader
1) Trapper Keepers!!!
Ok, maybe it isn't just for virgins. I meant to say I'm a blogging virgin. I'm feeling such a wide array of emotions. I'm excited yet nervous. I have a funny feeling in my lower abdomen. I wanna try but wish someone would guide me. I'll probably gonna cry after I'm done. So bear with me as I try to make you think, debate, laugh and hopefully smile. Z