I Own The World. The Rest Of You All Are Paying Rent.

With the much anticipated return of "The Office" tonight, I decided to grace you with my opinion (which is also 100% correct) of the funniest things on TV.

5) Rock of Love 2- There is something wrong with a bunch of plastic, drunk, drama queens fighting over a washed-up rock star that wears a wig. Luckily, VH1 makes something so wrong...funny. It's like The Love Connection meets Wal-Mart. I love how every girl claims "I'm just here for Bret". I love how he just feels a connection with all those strippers with hearts of gold. I love how choosing which girls get passes is a life or death situation. It's trashy, predictable, over the top but 100% pure entertainment. It makes you laugh....hard...and lots. After watching an episode, you're life looks pretty good.

4) My Name is Earl- Easily, one of the most underrated shows on TV. Earl was a a petty crook when he wins the lottery then loses it when he gets hit by a car. While in the hospital and on morphine, he hears about the concept of karma while watching Late Night with Carson Daly (you'd have to be in severe trauma and heavily medicated to watch Carson Daly). Earl makes a list of all the bad things he's done and decides to do good deeds to atone for them. Earl is trailer trash but you can't help but root for the guy. You want him to do good, and to come out on top. In a way, there's a little bit of Earl in us. The cast is a bunch of trailer trash misfits that can't seem to get it together. Kinda reminds me of high school. Do something good and watch Earl. If you don't, it may come back to haunt you.

3) The Colbert Report- Congressional Scandals, Presidential Elections, Economic Turmoil, War, Famine. Watching the news sucks. Politics suck too. Luckily, Stephen Colbert thinks so too. I love how he harasses everyone. No one is safe. Democrat or Republic. Man or Woman. Black or White. You're informed and definitely entertained. You know he wins every debate. You love eating Ben and Jerry's Americone Dream while you watch. He feuds with Barry Manilow. You long for his "truthiness". Colbert in '08...or 2012...or '16.

2) Any news segment or show about the Democratic Candidate race- This reminds me of two special kids fighting for the last Twinkie. I love how Hilary uses her full array of emotions in every interview. I love how Obama believes he is Captain America, Martin Luther King, and Abe Lincoln rolled up into one glowing candidate. I love how they sling mud and talk trash one moment and sing each other's praises the next. It's like an updated version of the Odd Couple on crack. I can't wait for Hilary's next faux tear or misremembering about a sniper attack. Or for Obama to name-drop another celebrity. Bros and hoes, can't we just agree to disagree.

1) The Office- If you don't watch it, please do. It'll be well worth it. If you do, you know you love it. You know it's awkward. You know you laugh til it hurts. You know which character you are (even if you refuse to admit it in public). You know you can't wait to blog, text, twitter, myspace, call, or talk about every episode. You know you already can't wait for next week's episode. You know you've bought the DVD for each season and hosted marathons. You know Diversity Day, The Dundies, Office Olympics, Booze Cruise, Casino Night, Gay Witch Hunt, Benihana Christmas, Safety Training, and Fun Run. You know Michael, Jim, Pam, Dwight, Angela, Andy, Kevin, Phyllis, Stanley, Oscar, Creed, Ryan, Kelly, Meredith, Toby, Darryl, and Jan. You know you miss Karen and Roy. You know you've wanted to put office supplies in Jello. You know you want the theme song as a ring tone. You know you listen to Scrantonicity. You know you're gonna watch tonight. It's gonna make you laugh, it's gonna be painful, it's gonna be too short. That's what she said.


RIP-Arrested Development